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On Communication (and how effing scary it is)

Image found on Pinterest

Image found on Pinterest

I am not sure what the direct cause may be – a great Cosmic plan, some secret notes passed to everyone but me, or maybe too many damn planets in retrograde. I don’t know, but the past months have been about getting a serious education on courageous communication. It’s been intense. And a little scary. And a whole lot magical.

Growing up there was the belief that uncomfortable conversations were cured by deftly sweeping them under the nearest rug or large piece of furniture. Of course, with enough time, they would eventually morph into terrifying dust bunnies of pent-up frustrations, raging furiously and wreaking havoc in miscommunication.

I get the sense this is how many other families operate(d) too, so I know I am not alone. I also know, this is NOT how I want to roll anymore. So, as it always goes when I decide to confront some old habit or storyline that has run like a janky skipping record for far too long, the Universe PUMMELS, ok offers, me infinite opportunities to practice.

So you go with the flow, and watch as the magic unfolds…

  • Uncomfortable tension five days into a six week backpacking trip with your BFF? Here, take a 24km bike ride to a remote beach where she’ll blurt out “Ifeellikewereallyneedtotalk” in a rush of breath and nerves… And while your heart scrunches up in fear of being honest, and all you want is to brush it off with “What are you talking about?? Everything’s fine!,” the unavoidable perfectness of the moment is exactly what you need. What you need to take your friendship to a whole new level of being able to be honest and supportive of each other. What you need to find another degree of trust in the timing of it all.
  • Awkward tension among co-workers, fear of disrupting what seems like Eden… Until, yet again, the twisting path of timing, conversation, and pure NEED to clear the energy lead you smack in the middle of the words you had been so afraid to speak aloud. Eden does not crumble, it just becomes a more realistic shade of colors in contrast to the technicolor dream you had built it up to be. Crafted in hopes that someone, somewhere else might save you. Instead you’ll save yourself.
  • Days tormenting yourself with thoughts and emotions you didn’t even know were possible, all in response to just wanting to support someone you care about. The rabbit hole opens wider and you keep tumbling in the dark, promising yourself you will NOT say anything. Fear that the slightest deviation from the role of fulsome cheerleader would result in disaster and disconnection… An email is drafted. Deleted. Drafted again. Annoyed with yourself you shut the computer, only to have the phone buzz and jump across the desk with a text from the intended email recipient. Point taken. Email sent. Conversation, a bit of clarity. Sigh of relief.

It’s all RIGHT THERE for the taking. Opportunities to connect us to each other. To disconnect us from the pain that is not serving us. It’s scary, not knowing what lies on the other side when the words escape and hang in the space or airwaves between two unpredictably emotive humans. But there is so much power in letting those words, your TRUTH, run free.

You feel in your Body what it is you truly desire to be heard, and then you share that. There is relief in that alone. We can never know how someone else will respond, only how we choose to share. When we evade, avoid, dodge our Truth we allow our fear to keep its talons latched deep into the crevices of our hearts. Every move we make edges those sharp bits deeper – breaking off pieces of Truth, of our Medicine for healing.

So SPEAK, even when the words tumble out in a confusing mess that needs untangling, and when your hands shake as you type. SAY IT. Please, for your sake, for their sake. For OUR sake.

Be brave sweet friend, be brave. And I will try to do the same.

With Love, always with Love,

E

“Yes, the things that others think, say, or do will sometimes hurt you–until they do not anymore. What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty–being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing. Say your truth–kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.” – Conversations with God

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